


Out

by Sulwen



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Glam Rock RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-22
Updated: 2010-11-22
Packaged: 2017-10-13 08:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/135040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sulwen/pseuds/Sulwen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's now or never.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out

They sit across from each other in the limo. Tommy looks out the window, quiet, sober. Adam watches Tommy.

Adam forces himself to stay calm, keep his breathing slow and steady. He's wanted this for so long, dreamed about it since the day it finally sunk in that yeah, he's actually famous now, and wanted it with Tommy specifically for what feels like ages. But he thinks back to eighteen, back to how it felt, the first time, nerves and anticipation and the tiniest nagging bit of doubt, and remembers that he needs to be unshakeable today.

The limo slows, hitting the traffic that surrounds their destination, and Adam has a little argument with himself, debating whether to speak or not. His tongue has a habit of running away on him, and if he says the wrong thing now...well. That can't happen. So much is riding on this moment. They can't go on the way they've been. It's not enough, for either of them. And so it comes to this – so simple, and yet so fucking complicated at the same time. Life-changing, even. But there's something that's worrying him, something he has to know before the doors open and the lights flash and there's no going back.

“Tommy...” he starts, but quiets again at the look on Tommy's face.

“Adam, if you ask me if I'm sure one more time...” Tommy says, the words too-quick and uncharacteristically harsh.

The words aren't meant to be hurtful, but they cut a little anyway, and Adam wonders if they're wrong, if it really is too soon. If they'll ever be ready.

“Are you?”

Tommy takes a deep breath. It catches a bit in his throat, and Adam wants to cross the small space between them and take Tommy in his arms and hide him from the world forever. But there's no path forward if he takes that road, and he stays where he is, fingernails digging into his palms.

“As I'll ever be,” Tommy answers.

“Because it doesn't have to be tonight, you know. I won't be mad.” And he won't. Disappointed, a little, yeah. But he'll understand.

Tommy drops his eyes, and one fisted hand goes to his neck, the backs of his fingers digging into the skin there. Adam recognizes the habit, and his heart goes out to Tommy, whose nervousness is almost palpable in the enclosed space.

“No,” Tommy says, shaking his head. “I want...I want to be able to be...open. Want to be able to go out to dinner. To the movies. Want to be able to kiss you whenever I want. Want you to stop having to lie about...me. Us.”

The tension in Adam's face softens into a smile. “I want that, too. But...it's not all good...trust me. You think the paps are bad now, just wait. I've already had one relationship crash and burn because of all the attention. I don't...I can't let that happen to us.”

Tommy bites his lip, and for a minute, he doesn't respond. Then he glances up at Adam through his eyelashes, and for a moment, he is so beautiful it almost _hurts._ “I don't want to hide any more. I don't want to lie. And...and...I love you.”

Adam practically melts, still as thrilled to hear those words as the very first time Tommy said them. “Love you too,” he says.

“Just...stay with me, yeah? I keep imagining some reporter cornering me and getting all in my face, and it makes me want to turn around right now.”

“Don't worry, baby. I'm not letting go of your hand for a second.”

Tommy blushes and smiles and turns to look out the window again, watching the mad rush outside. They don't speak again until, finally, the car stops for the last time. The driver gets out and stands by the door, waiting for Adam's signal, and Adam smooths his hands over the lapels of his jacket and meets Tommy's eyes, feeling the excitement rise within him.

“Ready?” he asks, and he can't keep from grinning.

Tommy runs a hand through his hair, mussing it ever so slightly, and smiles back. “Yeah. Yeah, I think I am.”

Adam raps his knuckles on the window, and the door opens. He steps out onto the red carpet, surrounded by shouting voices and flashing lights, and Adam is true to his word and grips Tommy's hand tight, helping him out of the car, leading the way through the crowd of people, heading right for the mass of jostling photographers.

They haven't exactly discussed this, but Adam knows that they don't want to leave any ambiguity, any doubt. If they're doing this, they're doing it all the way. Adam stops in front of the cameras and poses, two fingers going up into a peace sign, his other hand still entwined with Tommy's. Tommy glances over and sees what he's doing and laughs, a quiet little sound that only Adam can hear. Then he puts his own hand up, fingers folded into the sign of the horns, a rocker to the end, and Adam's cheeks hurt he's grinning so hard. They hold the pose for a few seconds, and then Adam turns, pulls Tommy fully into his arms and looks down into his eyes, searching, looking for any hint of distress, of fear, of regret.

And when all that he can see is happiness, excitement, love...Adam doesn't hold back for a second, just leans down to meet Tommy's lips in a kiss, sweet and pretty and absolutely tailored for the cameras. They've had a lot of practice kissing for an audience – they're practically experts at this point. And if this is the picture that's going to be everywhere tomorrow, Adam wants to make sure they look _good._

It's not the most passionate kiss they've ever shared, but it's thrilling just the same, simply because they're not on stage, not hiding in a hotel room or bus or shadowy theater corner. Adam can see the flashing of the cameras through closed eyelids, feel Tommy's lips move with his, perfectly in synch, hear the uproar that's starting to sound around them, and it feels like controversy and progress and activism, but also oh, just the most wonderful natural thing ever, just kissing the person he loves.

When Adam pulls away, Tommy keeps his eyes closed a moment, his lips wet and parted, just breathing. And then he looks up at Adam and smiles and his eyes are wide and shining and _alive,_ and he puts his arms around Adam in a hug and murmurs, just barely loud enough to be heard, “That was _awesome.”_

And as the point of no return fades into history behind them, Adam feels all his worry melt away and just enjoys the moment, this one beautiful amazing experience that they'll be reminiscing about for all the rest of their lives.


End file.
